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Hi. I haven't insulted you yet, have I?

Tucker Max

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Tucker Max
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 27
Author
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Atlanta
Georgia
Insulted
Havens
Haven

More quotes by Tucker Max

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I'm sorry, but I stand by my decision. I am now a member of the elite club of people that have fought a professional team mascot. You sir, are not in that club.
Tucker Max
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9:00: I don't know what I want. I just point at the Dollar Menu and say, 'Give me all of that.
Tucker Max
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If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.
Tucker Max
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I'm never going to be Tolstoy.
Tucker Max
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Before I was famous, I already was the person that attracted and dealt with a lot of weirdos.
Tucker Max
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Hollywood, it's just like high school. Whoever is pretty and popular, everyone wants to be with.
Tucker Max
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Random Girl after a hookup: Do you love me Tucker: I don't understand the question.
Tucker Max
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I think 20th century media were about tricking people - and the beauty of the Internet is you can't lie anymore.
Tucker Max
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I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.
Tucker Max
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If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they're bad people.
Tucker Max
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If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.
Tucker Max
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Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another.
Tucker Max
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I was stupid when I was 17 or 18. My thought process was that I thought that I was legitimately a hyper-genius, and so I wanted to go to the hardest academic school I could to see if I was really as smart as I thought I was.
Tucker Max
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You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That's what it's like listening to you speak.
Tucker Max
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Look at the scope of writers who sell stuff. I'm at the very top of the power curve in terms of sales.
Tucker Max
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Things always work out for me because I do whatever I want without worrying about the consequences.
Tucker Max
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Hey man, can you talk to dolphins and pilot whales with that huge forehead of yours?
Tucker Max
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Theatrical success is predominantly two variables: who the distributor is and how much money they spend.
Tucker Max
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Failure either ruins you, or turns you into the man you can become.
Tucker Max
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Gotta love alcohol and sex hormones.
Tucker Max