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I'm sorry, but I stand by my decision. I am now a member of the elite club of people that have fought a professional team mascot. You sir, are not in that club.

Tucker Max

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Tucker Max
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 27
Author
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Atlanta
Georgia
Clubs
Mascot
Sorry
Mascots
Members
Elite
Stand
Elites
Team
Fought
Decision
Member
People
Club
Professional

More quotes by Tucker Max

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One big lesson I learned from movie [making] was I don't do creative projects that I headline unless I have all the control. I can't deal with having to live with other people's screw ups, and that's just sort of the way the movie business works. The people with the money are in charge. Until I'm in charge, I don't want to play that game.
Tucker Max
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Most people's lives are nothing more than pointlessly frantic activity used as a psychological defense against their own impotence and fear.
Tucker Max
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Great careers are getting easier to find and audition for, but harder to keep.
Tucker Max
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Yes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but everyone forgets the second half of that quote: the road to heaven is paved with good actions.
Tucker Max
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I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.
Tucker Max
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If you just don't have any idea what you want to do, the worst thing you can do is go to law school. If you can go to college, maybe it's fine to have four years of fun and learn a little bit, that's okay, but if you have to go two hundred thousand dollars in debt, that's not something I would recommend.
Tucker Max
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Yinzer: DAMN!! I wish I had your balls! Tucker:I wish you had a breath mint, but I guess we don't always get what we wish for.
Tucker Max
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9:00: I don't know what I want. I just point at the Dollar Menu and say, 'Give me all of that.
Tucker Max
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I laugh at people who say things like 'I'm a good person, I just do bad things.' No, that's not how it works. What you do IS who you are.
Tucker Max
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The Big Five publishing companies are dinosaurs trying to survive in a post-meteor world. They won't.
Tucker Max
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Guys, we spend our whole lives trying to get pussy, so when pussy comes to us, it's like, Whoa, this is amazing! At 27, I thought nothing could be better than that, but at 35, I've come to understand the darker side of it.
Tucker Max
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Leave it up to hipster nerds to pretend to hate something that they actually want
Tucker Max
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This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have a slightly volatile personality. I don’t suffer fools well.
Tucker Max
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I started writing because it was about making my friends laugh, and when you're talking to your friends, you can't bullshit.
Tucker Max
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There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.
Tucker Max
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You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That's what it's like listening to you speak.
Tucker Max
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Obstacles are only obstacles if you see them as obstacles. They can also be called opportunities.
Tucker Max
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To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.
Tucker Max
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Make no mistake about it: Law school is not a bastion of intellectual discourse.
Tucker Max
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If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.
Tucker Max