Quote

Tucker: You guys going to Milwaukee? Guy: Yes sir, heading home after a vacation. Tucker: Did you know there are midgets in Milwaukee? [The man and his wife are silent and confused.] Tucker: HUNDREDS OF THEM!

Tucker Max

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Tucker Max
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 27
Author
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Atlanta
Georgia
Going
Vacation
Men
Hundreds
Confused
Midgets
Silent
Tucker
Guys
Milwaukee
Wife
Midget
Guy
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More quotes by Tucker Max

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The vast majority of all consequences, especially in 21st century America, are completely meaningless bullshit.
Tucker Max
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I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.
Tucker Max
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Unless you plan on making academia your life, all you need to know about postmodernism is that its premises are fundamentally wrong.
Tucker Max
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I'm not some movie star relying on a studio. I have my own fans and I earned them.
Tucker Max
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The result of my hard work is that I'm financially independent, I have an amazing life, and I can do whatever I want. I don't have to answer to anybody.
Tucker Max
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Anything that reflects the human condition back on humans in the entertainment medium is art.
Tucker Max
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You know that look a cop gives you when he's so confused that he doesn't even know how to respond? If you don't know that look, it means you haven't had enough fun in your life.
Tucker Max
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Yes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but everyone forgets the second half of that quote: the road to heaven is paved with good actions.
Tucker Max
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If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.
Tucker Max
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Listen to authority figures because of their position, but only believe them if they can explain why.
Tucker Max
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You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.
Tucker Max
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My writing is authentic, and whatever happens in my life is what I write about.
Tucker Max
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I'm not West Coast at all. I was born in Atlanta, but I grew up in Kentucky, outside of Lexington, in Winchester.
Tucker Max
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The great stories go to those who aren't afraid to live them
Tucker Max
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I'm never going to be Tolstoy.
Tucker Max
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I am Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds.
Tucker Max
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The only thing that someone could say about me that would hurt me would be something that's true that I don't want to be.
Tucker Max
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No sheep wants to be first through the gate, but every sheep will be second.
Tucker Max
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Look at the scope of writers who sell stuff. I'm at the very top of the power curve in terms of sales.
Tucker Max
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You play crotch roulette, you're gonna hit double zero once in a while.
Tucker Max