Quote

You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.

Tucker Max

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Tucker Max
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 27
Author
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Atlanta
Georgia
Truly
Thoroughbreds
Emotional
Leprechaun
Issues
Jockeys
Show
Ridden
Funny
Unicorn
Girl
Introduce
Doesn
Introducing
Shows
Stable

More quotes by Tucker Max

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If you read the book, you're not a journalist. You're some impostor! No journalist actually does any work.
Tucker Max
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I'm not even the coolest one of my friends. I'm just the guy who sat down and wrote everything down. Like I know plenty of people who do crazier stuff than I do.
Tucker Max
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Theatrical success is predominantly two variables: who the distributor is and how much money they spend.
Tucker Max
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No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog.
Tucker Max
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9:00: I don't know what I want. I just point at the Dollar Menu and say, 'Give me all of that.
Tucker Max
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Guys, we spend our whole lives trying to get pussy, so when pussy comes to us, it's like, Whoa, this is amazing! At 27, I thought nothing could be better than that, but at 35, I've come to understand the darker side of it.
Tucker Max
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I'm not West Coast at all. I was born in Atlanta, but I grew up in Kentucky, outside of Lexington, in Winchester.
Tucker Max
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Hi. I haven't insulted you yet, have I?
Tucker Max
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If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.
Tucker Max
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You can't fill your emails with crap, at least not with my friends, because they're brutal. If something sucks, they'll tell you.
Tucker Max
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My buddies and I, we all went to law school together, and once we started working in different cities, we all did crazy stuff, and we'd write e-mails to each other about the stuff we would do. And my friends thought my e-mails were really funny and they said, Dude, why don't you put this up on a Web site. You know people would love to read this.
Tucker Max
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One big lesson I learned from movie [making] was I don't do creative projects that I headline unless I have all the control. I can't deal with having to live with other people's screw ups, and that's just sort of the way the movie business works. The people with the money are in charge. Until I'm in charge, I don't want to play that game.
Tucker Max
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Motherfucker. She leaves me no choice. Now I have to break her self-esteem, sleep with her and steal the shirt.
Tucker Max
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The general intellectual level of South Florida is somewhere just above functionally retarded.
Tucker Max
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Failure either ruins you, or turns you into the man you can become.
Tucker Max
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In training, there is no winning or losing. There is only learning.
Tucker Max
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If you want to be seen as courageous by some and hated by others, just say what you really think.
Tucker Max
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Hey man, can you talk to dolphins and pilot whales with that huge forehead of yours?
Tucker Max
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Make no mistake about it: Law school is not a bastion of intellectual discourse.
Tucker Max
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To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.
Tucker Max