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I'm never going to be Tolstoy.

Tucker Max

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Tucker Max
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 27
Author
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Atlanta
Georgia
Never
Tolstoy
Going

More quotes by Tucker Max

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We can't get kicked out of McDonald's! This is like the DMZ of drunk eating.
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You know that look a cop gives you when he's so confused that he doesn't even know how to respond? If you don't know that look, it means you haven't had enough fun in your life.
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You can't fill your emails with crap, at least not with my friends, because they're brutal. If something sucks, they'll tell you.
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The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for.
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I've never really had a media edifice supporting me.
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My buddies and I, we all went to law school together, and once we started working in different cities, we all did crazy stuff, and we'd write e-mails to each other about the stuff we would do. And my friends thought my e-mails were really funny and they said, Dude, why don't you put this up on a Web site. You know people would love to read this.
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Two girls called me closed minded. I tell them that they are so open-minded their brains leaked out.
Tucker Max
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Due to the potent combination of my sexual recklessness and the slutty nature of some of the girls I have slept with, I have accumulated enough stories and anecdotes about abortion that they could name a Planned Parenthood clinic after me.
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Motherfucker. She leaves me no choice. Now I have to break her self-esteem, sleep with her and steal the shirt.
Tucker Max
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Gotta love alcohol and sex hormones.
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Tell beautiful women they are smart, and smart women they are beautiful.
Tucker Max
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I'm not even the coolest one of my friends. I'm just the guy who sat down and wrote everything down. Like I know plenty of people who do crazier stuff than I do.
Tucker Max
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The great stories go to those who aren't afraid to live them
Tucker Max
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I'm not some movie star relying on a studio. I have my own fans and I earned them.
Tucker Max
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What people who don't create don't understand, is that once you take money from the machine, the machine [movie industry] owns you.
Tucker Max
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I tell the truth, and truth is the ultimate defense against libel.
Tucker Max
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If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.
Tucker Max
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Opinions are projections.
Tucker Max
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I am Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds.
Tucker Max
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A lot of people think that since I'm drunk in my stories, I must be drunk 24 hours a day. What kind of stupid logic is that? It'd be like if you saw Michael Jordan at a restaurant and were like, Why aren't you in your basketball uniform? I leave out way more than I put in.
Tucker Max