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I'm never going to be Tolstoy.

Tucker Max

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Tucker Max
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 27
Author
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Atlanta
Georgia
Tolstoy
Going
Never

More quotes by Tucker Max

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What people who don't create don't understand, is that once you take money from the machine, the machine [movie industry] owns you.
Tucker Max
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Probably the best explanation for my success and other Internet writers, is that we're tapping a genre or a niche out there that needs to be filled and isn't.
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I think that there's a lot of guys out there that want to read the equivalent of chick lit, but really there's not being much written for them.
Tucker Max
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Critics stopped being relevant when they stopped writing to inform and contextualize, and when they started writing to signal who they are, to display their identity by their stance on what they are writing about. Criticism should never be about the critic, but thats what it has become, and that’s why no one cares about them anymore.
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The general intellectual level of South Florida is somewhere just above functionally retarded.
Tucker Max
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If you read the book, you're not a journalist. You're some impostor! No journalist actually does any work.
Tucker Max
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No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog.
Tucker Max
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We had become those guys... who started a fight... at a Harry Potter book party.
Tucker Max
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I try to explain to people that the only way to be cool is to be who you truly are, and the only way to live life is to do the things that you want to do and be the person that you want to be no matter who that is or what that is or how you have to do it. That's the only way you can be genuinely happy.
Tucker Max
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You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.
Tucker Max
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Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another.
Tucker Max
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If you want to be seen as courageous by some and hated by others, just say what you really think.
Tucker Max
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I've come to learn that what really matters is the relationship, the quality of the relationship.
Tucker Max
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Halloween revolves around delicious candy, excessive alcohol, and horny women dressed as sluts. This also describes my vision of Heaven.
Tucker Max
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I started writing because it was about making my friends laugh, and when you're talking to your friends, you can't bullshit.
Tucker Max
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General reader feedback is usually pretty worthless. 99% of people give feedback that is irrelevant, stupid, or just flat out wrong. But that 1% of people who give good feedback are invaluable.
Tucker Max
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Random Girl after a hookup: Do you love me Tucker: I don't understand the question.
Tucker Max
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Hey man, can you talk to dolphins and pilot whales with that huge forehead of yours?
Tucker Max
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Listen to authority figures because of their position, but only believe them if they can explain why.
Tucker Max
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If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.
Tucker Max