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A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
Tommy Cooper
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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Strong
Drowned
Bowl
Bowls
Pulled
Mines
Mine
Friend
More quotes by Tommy Cooper
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says What are you supposed to be? The man says A premature ejaculation. What? says the woman. The man explains I've just come in my pants.
Tommy Cooper
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
Tommy Cooper
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper
Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
Tommy Cooper
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Tommy Cooper
I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
Tommy Cooper
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
Tommy Cooper
And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
Tommy Cooper
So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
Tommy Cooper
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
Tommy Cooper
So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
Tommy Cooper
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
Tommy Cooper
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
Tommy Cooper
Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
Tommy Cooper
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
Tommy Cooper
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
Tommy Cooper
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
Tommy Cooper