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A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says What are you supposed to be? The man says A premature ejaculation. What? says the woman. The man explains I've just come in my pants.
Tommy Cooper
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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Funny
Dress
Woman
Dresses
Supposed
Ejaculation
Comes
Fronts
Explains
Come
Humor
Premature
Men
Goes
Dressed
Says
Pants
Party
Fancy
More quotes by Tommy Cooper
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
Tommy Cooper
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.
Tommy Cooper
So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
Tommy Cooper
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
Tommy Cooper
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
Tommy Cooper
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
Tommy Cooper
And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
Tommy Cooper
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Tommy Cooper
A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
Tommy Cooper
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
Tommy Cooper
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
Tommy Cooper
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
Tommy Cooper
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
Tommy Cooper
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
Tommy Cooper
A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
Tommy Cooper
So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
Tommy Cooper
I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
Tommy Cooper
A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
Tommy Cooper
A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
Tommy Cooper
