Quote

A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says What are you supposed to be? The man says A premature ejaculation. What? says the woman. The man explains I've just come in my pants.

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Men
Humor
Premature
Goes
Dressed
Says
Pants
Party
Fancy
Funny
Dress
Woman
Dresses
Comes
Supposed
Ejaculation
Come
Fronts
Explains

More quotes by Tommy Cooper

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
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I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
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Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
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He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
Tommy Cooper
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So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
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A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
Tommy Cooper
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
Tommy Cooper
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Tommy Cooper
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A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
Tommy Cooper
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Tommy Cooper
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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
Tommy Cooper