Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Tommy Cooper
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Funny
Lit
Two
Craft
Crafts
Heat
Kayak
Prove
Eskimos
Sitting
Chilly
Humor
Sank
Fire
Proving
More quotes by Tommy Cooper
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
Tommy Cooper
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Tommy Cooper
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
Tommy Cooper
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.
Tommy Cooper
A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
Tommy Cooper
So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
Tommy Cooper
And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
Tommy Cooper
Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
Tommy Cooper
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says What are you supposed to be? The man says A premature ejaculation. What? says the woman. The man explains I've just come in my pants.
Tommy Cooper
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
Tommy Cooper
A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
Tommy Cooper
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
Tommy Cooper
A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
Tommy Cooper
Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
Tommy Cooper
So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
Tommy Cooper
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
Tommy Cooper
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
Tommy Cooper
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper