Quote

A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Funny
Doctors
Seems
Fit
Problem
Office
Penises
Wells
Humor
Replies
Well
Walks
Glove
Men
Says
Trousers
Like
Asks
Gloves
Five
Doctor

More quotes by Tommy Cooper

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.
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A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
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A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
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He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
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Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
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I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
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So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
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And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'
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My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
Tommy Cooper
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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
Tommy Cooper