Quote

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Men
Floor
Covered
Thousands
Police
Topped
Humor
Vans
Lying
Cream
Funny
Hundreds
Found
Ice

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A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
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And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
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I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.
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