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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Humor
Ducks
Says
Restaurant
Went
Diamond
Came
Restaurants
Eyes
Chinese
Sparkle
Red
Waiter
Eye
Rose
Diamonds
Funny
Asked
Duck
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
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My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
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So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
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