Quote

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.

Tommy Cooper

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Like
Asked
Duck
Humor
Ducks
Says
Restaurant
Went
Diamond
Came
Restaurants
Eyes
Chinese
Sparkle
Eye
Red
Waiter
Funny
Rose
Diamonds

More quotes by Tommy Cooper

Image
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
Tommy Cooper
Image
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Tommy Cooper
Image
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
Image
A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
Tommy Cooper
Image
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper
Image
A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
Tommy Cooper
Image
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
Image
Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
Tommy Cooper
Image
A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
Tommy Cooper
Image
Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
Tommy Cooper
Image
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
Tommy Cooper
Image
So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
Tommy Cooper
Image
Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
Tommy Cooper
Image
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
Tommy Cooper
Image
And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
Tommy Cooper
Image
A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
Tommy Cooper
Image
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Tommy Cooper
Image
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says What are you supposed to be? The man says A premature ejaculation. What? says the woman. The man explains I've just come in my pants.
Tommy Cooper
Image
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
Tommy Cooper
Image
And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'
Tommy Cooper