Quote

Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Men
Sitting
Drink
Arms
Humor
Sleeve
Went
Sleeves
Guy
Replied
Funny
Hey
Next
Bars

More quotes by Tommy Cooper

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So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
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My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
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And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
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A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
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I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper
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A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
Tommy Cooper
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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.
Tommy Cooper