Quote

Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Next
Bars
Men
Sitting
Drink
Arms
Humor
Sleeve
Went
Sleeves
Guy
Replied
Funny
Hey

More quotes by Tommy Cooper

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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
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A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says What are you supposed to be? The man says A premature ejaculation. What? says the woman. The man explains I've just come in my pants.
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A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
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And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
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He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
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Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
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A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
Tommy Cooper
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
Tommy Cooper
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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
Tommy Cooper