Quote

Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Drink
Arms
Humor
Sleeve
Went
Sleeves
Guy
Replied
Funny
Hey
Next
Bars
Men
Sitting

More quotes by Tommy Cooper

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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
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So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
Tommy Cooper
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A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says What are you supposed to be? The man says A premature ejaculation. What? says the woman. The man explains I've just come in my pants.
Tommy Cooper
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
Tommy Cooper
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And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
Tommy Cooper
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A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
Tommy Cooper
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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Tommy Cooper
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
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He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
Tommy Cooper
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
Tommy Cooper
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And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'
Tommy Cooper
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
Tommy Cooper
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
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A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
Tommy Cooper
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A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
Tommy Cooper
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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
Tommy Cooper