Quote

A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Havens
Haven
Humor
Seen
Replied
Funny
Walked
Long
Ill
Men
Doctor
Time
Doctors

More quotes by Tommy Cooper

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
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A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
Tommy Cooper
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Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
Tommy Cooper
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
Tommy Cooper
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
Tommy Cooper
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.
Tommy Cooper
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Tommy Cooper
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Tommy Cooper
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My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
Tommy Cooper
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A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
Tommy Cooper
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
Tommy Cooper
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He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
Tommy Cooper
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Tommy Cooper
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A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
Tommy Cooper
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper
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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
Tommy Cooper
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
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I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
Tommy Cooper
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So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
Tommy Cooper