Quote

A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Haven
Humor
Seen
Replied
Funny
Walked
Long
Ill
Men
Doctor
Time
Doctors
Havens

More quotes by Tommy Cooper

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
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A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'
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Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
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A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
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He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
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My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
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Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.
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I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
Tommy Cooper
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper