Quote

A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Funny
Walked
Long
Ill
Men
Doctor
Time
Doctors
Havens
Haven
Humor
Seen
Replied

More quotes by Tommy Cooper

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
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A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
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A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
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So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
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He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Tommy Cooper
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Tommy Cooper
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My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
Tommy Cooper