Quote

A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Seen
Replied
Funny
Walked
Long
Ill
Men
Doctor
Time
Doctors
Havens
Haven
Humor

More quotes by Tommy Cooper

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
Tommy Cooper
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So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
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He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
Tommy Cooper
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.
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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
Tommy Cooper
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Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
Tommy Cooper
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
Tommy Cooper
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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
Tommy Cooper
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So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
Tommy Cooper
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Tommy Cooper
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
Tommy Cooper
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper
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My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
Tommy Cooper
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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Tommy Cooper
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
Tommy Cooper
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And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'
Tommy Cooper
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A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says What are you supposed to be? The man says A premature ejaculation. What? says the woman. The man explains I've just come in my pants.
Tommy Cooper
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
Tommy Cooper