Quote

A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Guy
Lumps
Funny
Shoulder
Give
Bars
Giving
Shoulders
Asphalt
Men
Road
Pint
Humor
Pints
Walks
Lump
Says
Pubs

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
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My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
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A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
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