Quote

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Kites
Monday
Doctors
Gave
Wind
Went
Funny
Anything
Kite

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
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A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
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So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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