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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
Tommy Cooper
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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Diet
Diets
Beer
Already
Days
Lost
Whisky
More quotes by Tommy Cooper
And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
Tommy Cooper
A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
Tommy Cooper
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Tommy Cooper
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Tommy Cooper
A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
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A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
Tommy Cooper
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
Tommy Cooper
Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
Tommy Cooper
So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
Tommy Cooper
A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
Tommy Cooper
I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
Tommy Cooper
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Tommy Cooper
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
Tommy Cooper
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
Tommy Cooper
So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.
Tommy Cooper
Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
Tommy Cooper
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Tommy Cooper