Quote

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Building
Vines
Comedy
Skip
Funny
Stopping
House
Locals
Local
Firm
Outside
Humor
Rang

More quotes by Tommy Cooper

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So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
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A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
Tommy Cooper
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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
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So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
Tommy Cooper
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He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
Tommy Cooper
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.
Tommy Cooper
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My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
Tommy Cooper
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
Tommy Cooper
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A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
Tommy Cooper
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Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
Tommy Cooper
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I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
Tommy Cooper