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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Tommy Cooper
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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Firm
Outside
Humor
Rang
Building
Vines
Comedy
Skip
Funny
Stopping
House
Locals
Local
More quotes by Tommy Cooper
And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'
Tommy Cooper
A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
Tommy Cooper
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
Tommy Cooper
A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
Tommy Cooper
A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
Tommy Cooper
So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
Tommy Cooper
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Tommy Cooper
A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
Tommy Cooper
A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
Tommy Cooper
Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
Tommy Cooper
Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
Tommy Cooper
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
Tommy Cooper
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says What are you supposed to be? The man says A premature ejaculation. What? says the woman. The man explains I've just come in my pants.
Tommy Cooper
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
Tommy Cooper
Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
Tommy Cooper
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
Tommy Cooper
So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
Tommy Cooper
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Tommy Cooper
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Tommy Cooper