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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Wells
Cheese
Well
French
Frog
Kitchen
Sandwich
Legs
Waiter
Asked
Cheesy
Humor
Frogs
Went
Sandwiches
Funny
Hops
More quotes by Tommy Cooper
He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
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My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
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So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
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A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
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And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
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A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says What are you supposed to be? The man says A premature ejaculation. What? says the woman. The man explains I've just come in my pants.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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