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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Night
Pillow
Pounds
Ten
Humor
Gone
Marshmallow
Lasts
Dreamt
Last
Pound
Funny
Woke
More quotes by Tommy Cooper
So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
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He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, That's a turn-up for the books.
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Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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A guy walks into a pub with a lump of asphalt on His shoulder, He says to the bar man give us a pint and one for the road.
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I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
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And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
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A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
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So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
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