Quote

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Wells
Second
Well
Says
Ironic
Crazy
Doctor
Opinion
Tells
Age
Silly
Funny
Doctors
Woman
Ugly
Back
Okay

More quotes by Tommy Cooper

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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
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A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
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Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
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A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
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So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says Your eyes sparkle like diamonds. I said Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck.
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A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Tommy Cooper
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A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says What are you supposed to be? The man says A premature ejaculation. What? says the woman. The man explains I've just come in my pants.
Tommy Cooper
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Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
Tommy Cooper
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Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
Tommy Cooper
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I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
Tommy Cooper
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
Tommy Cooper
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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
Tommy Cooper