Quote

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Crazy
Doctor
Opinion
Tells
Age
Silly
Funny
Doctors
Woman
Ugly
Back
Okay
Wells
Second
Well
Says
Ironic

More quotes by Tommy Cooper

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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
Tommy Cooper
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A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time' The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.
Tommy Cooper
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So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
Tommy Cooper
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And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said 'Yes, this my livelihood.'
Tommy Cooper
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Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
Tommy Cooper
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Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
Tommy Cooper
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So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
Tommy Cooper
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I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Tommy Cooper
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And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
Tommy Cooper
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Tommy Cooper
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
Tommy Cooper
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I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
Tommy Cooper
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Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
Tommy Cooper
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A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
Tommy Cooper
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A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
Tommy Cooper
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I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Tommy Cooper
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Tommy Cooper
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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
Tommy Cooper
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
Tommy Cooper