Quote

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Tommy Cooper

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Kids
Yesterday
Police
Battery
Drinking
Fireworks
Eating
Batteries
Humor
Charged
Comedy
Policemen
Funny
Acid
Two
Arrested

More quotes by Tommy Cooper

Image
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
Tommy Cooper
Image
A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.
Tommy Cooper
Image
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
Tommy Cooper
Image
And an airplane of spittle dived into the sea, there were no salivas.
Tommy Cooper
Image
I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
Tommy Cooper
Image
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
Tommy Cooper
Image
So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
Tommy Cooper
Image
Two cannibals eating a clown. One asks the other, 'Does this taste funny to you?'
Tommy Cooper
Image
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
Tommy Cooper
Image
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
Tommy Cooper
Image
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says What are you supposed to be? The man says A premature ejaculation. What? says the woman. The man explains I've just come in my pants.
Tommy Cooper
Image
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
Tommy Cooper
Image
Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
Tommy Cooper
Image
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
Tommy Cooper
Image
Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'
Tommy Cooper
Image
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Tommy Cooper
Image
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
Tommy Cooper
Image
I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
Tommy Cooper
Image
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Tommy Cooper
Image
So I said to this train driver I want to go to Paris. He said Eurostar?. I said I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
Tommy Cooper