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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Tommy Cooper

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Tommy Cooper
Age: 63 †
Born: 1921
Born: March 19
Died: 1984
Died: April 15
Actor
Comedian
Magician
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Caerffili
Thomas Frederick Cooper
Kids
Yesterday
Police
Battery
Drinking
Fireworks
Eating
Batteries
Humor
Charged
Comedy
Policemen
Funny
Acid
Two
Arrested

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My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
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I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost 3 days already.
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A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
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So I knocked on the door at this bed & Breakfast and a lady stuck her head out of the window and said: 'What do you want', I said, 'I want to stay here'. She said, 'Well stay there' and shut the window.
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A friend of mine drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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I went to the dentist. He said Say Aaah. I said Why? He said My dog's died.
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A man walks into doctor's office. What seems to be the problem? asks the doc. It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises. replies the man. Blimey! says the doctor, How do your trousers fit? Like a glove.
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I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure
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