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When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Lewd
Correctly
Viewed
Everything

More quotes by Tom Lehrer

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In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize only be sure always to call it . . . research.
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Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.
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And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for.
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Step up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try!
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Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.
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When you attend a funeral, It is sad to think that sooner o' Later those you love will do the same for you. And you may have thought it tragic, Not to mention other adjec- Tives, to think of all the weeping they will do. (But don't you worry.
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They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines.
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I would do nightclubs and concerts - particularly concerts, which is mostly what I did - and only people who already agreed with me would show up. People weren't going to come and inadvertently turn on their television set and find this offensive stuff coming out.
Tom Lehrer
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I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear.
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But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the right answer.
Tom Lehrer
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Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.
Tom Lehrer
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From the three, you then use one to make eight ones. You add those ones to the three, and you get one-three base eight, or, in other words, In base ten you have eleven, and you take away seven. And seven from eleven is four. Now go back to the sixty-fours, you're left with two.
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For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!
Tom Lehrer
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I've heard it quoted that I was dead. You can't believe anything you read. That was just an off-hand remark somebody picked up, and now it's been quoted and quoted, and therefore misquoted.
Tom Lehrer
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You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can't make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my target was not so much evil, but benign stupidity people doing stupid things without realising or, instead, thinking they were doing good.
Tom Lehrer
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Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.
Tom Lehrer
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On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
Tom Lehrer
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If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here
Tom Lehrer
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Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
Tom Lehrer
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If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend, or perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worth the while.
Tom Lehrer