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And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for.

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Certain
Things
Censorship
Jail
Although
Expression
Willing
Freedom

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Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.
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I'm not tempted to write a song about George W.Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the problem: I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them. And that's not funny.
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You can raise welts like nobody else, as we dance to the Masochism Tango.
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But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the right answer.
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If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.
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The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be.
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Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.
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The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.
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They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines.
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When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
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My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun.
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Don't solicit for your sister, it's not nice. Unless you get a good percentage of her price.
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So long, Mom I'm off to drop the bomb So don't wait up for me But while you swelter Down there in your shelter You can see me On your TV
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I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel. Everything I did is on the record and, if you want to hear it, just listen to the record.
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Step up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try!
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Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.
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Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.
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Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
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When someone makes a move Of which we don't approve, Who is it that always intervenes? U.N. and O.A.S., They have their place, I guess, But first send the Marines!
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I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
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