Quote

Step up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try!

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Steps
Stand
Hand
Hands
Someone
Shake
Trying
Shakes
Tolerate
Step

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If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.
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The audience usually has to be with you, I'm afraid. I always regarded myself as not even preaching to the converted, I was titillating the converted.
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Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.
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Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy.
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If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here
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Oh we will all fry together when we fry. We'll be french fried potatoes by and by. There will be no more misery When the world is our rotisserie, Yes, we will all fry together when we fry.
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It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.
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For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!
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When someone makes a move Of which we don't approve, Who is it that always intervenes? U.N. and O.A.S., They have their place, I guess, But first send the Marines!
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Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.
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When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
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I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel. Everything I did is on the record and, if you want to hear it, just listen to the record.
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My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun.
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The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.
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Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
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We are the folk song army, every one of us cares. We all hate poverty, war, and injustice unlike the rest of you squares.
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Don't solicit for your sister, it's not nice. Unless you get a good percentage of her price.
Tom Lehrer
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You can raise welts like nobody else, as we dance to the Masochism Tango.
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The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be.
Tom Lehrer
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Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.
Tom Lehrer