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I would do nightclubs and concerts - particularly concerts, which is mostly what I did - and only people who already agreed with me would show up. People weren't going to come and inadvertently turn on their television set and find this offensive stuff coming out.

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Going
Television
Agreed
Would
Turn
Concerts
People
Turns
Offensive
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Mostly
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Weren
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Inadvertently
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Nightclubs

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On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
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Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
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From the three, you then use one to make eight ones. You add those ones to the three, and you get one-three base eight, or, in other words, In base ten you have eleven, and you take away seven. And seven from eleven is four. Now go back to the sixty-fours, you're left with two.
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Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.
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When someone makes a move Of which we don't approve, Who is it that always intervenes? U.N. and O.A.S., They have their place, I guess, But first send the Marines!
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Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.
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Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!
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Plagiarize! Plagiarize, Let no one else's work evade your eyes, Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, So don't shade your eyes, But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize... Only be sure always to call it please research.
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If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here
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Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers.
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Oh we will all fry together when we fry. We'll be french fried potatoes by and by. There will be no more misery When the world is our rotisserie, Yes, we will all fry together when we fry.
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Step up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try!
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Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.
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Life is like a sewer - what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. It's always seemed to me that this is precisely the sort of dynamic, positive thinking that we so desperately need today in these trying times of crisis and universal brouhaha.
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Once all the Germans were warlike and mean But that couldn't happen again We taught them a lesson in nineteen eighteen And they've hardly bothered us since then
Tom Lehrer
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If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.
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I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear.
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The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.
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For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!
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Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.
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