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Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Everything
Hard
Think
Thinking
Weird
Politics
Funny

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Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
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Plagiarize! Plagiarize, Let no one else's work evade your eyes, Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, So don't shade your eyes, But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize... Only be sure always to call it please research.
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When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
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Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it.
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The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be.
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From the three, you then use one to make eight ones. You add those ones to the three, and you get one-three base eight, or, in other words, In base ten you have eleven, and you take away seven. And seven from eleven is four. Now go back to the sixty-fours, you're left with two.
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I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel. Everything I did is on the record and, if you want to hear it, just listen to the record.
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In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl now you can't say 'girl.'
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Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!
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Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.
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They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines.
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Once all the Germans were warlike and mean But that couldn't happen again We taught them a lesson in nineteen eighteen And they've hardly bothered us since then
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I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
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So long, Mom I'm off to drop the bomb So don't wait up for me But while you swelter Down there in your shelter You can see me On your TV
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Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.
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And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for.
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I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.
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If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here
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When you attend a funeral, It is sad to think that sooner o' Later those you love will do the same for you. And you may have thought it tragic, Not to mention other adjec- Tives, to think of all the weeping they will do. (But don't you worry.
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The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.
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