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You can raise welts like nobody else, as we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Raise
Raises
Dancing
Dance
Nobody
Else
Like
Masochism
Tango

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I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.
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Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.
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Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.
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Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!
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Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
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Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy.
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From the three, you then use one to make eight ones. You add those ones to the three, and you get one-three base eight, or, in other words, In base ten you have eleven, and you take away seven. And seven from eleven is four. Now go back to the sixty-fours, you're left with two.
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On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
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Filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
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It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.
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Oh we will all fry together when we fry. We'll be french fried potatoes by and by. There will be no more misery When the world is our rotisserie, Yes, we will all fry together when we fry.
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We are the folk song army, every one of us cares. We all hate poverty, war, and injustice unlike the rest of you squares.
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You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can't make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my target was not so much evil, but benign stupidity people doing stupid things without realising or, instead, thinking they were doing good.
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My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun.
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For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!
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Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
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I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.
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The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be.
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I'm very proud of myself on my, whatever the literacy is, I'm pretentious, totally pretentious. I like to say 'hmm', for example.
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Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell!
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