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You can raise welts like nobody else, as we dance to the Masochism Tango.

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Nobody
Else
Like
Masochism
Tango
Raise
Raises
Dancing
Dance

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I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel. Everything I did is on the record and, if you want to hear it, just listen to the record.
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Oh we will all fry together when we fry. We'll be french fried potatoes by and by. There will be no more misery When the world is our rotisserie, Yes, we will all fry together when we fry.
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If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.
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Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
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From the three, you then use one to make eight ones. You add those ones to the three, and you get one-three base eight, or, in other words, In base ten you have eleven, and you take away seven. And seven from eleven is four. Now go back to the sixty-fours, you're left with two.
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In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl now you can't say 'girl.'
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The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.
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If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here
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We are the folk song army, every one of us cares. We all hate poverty, war, and injustice unlike the rest of you squares.
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Plagiarize! Plagiarize, Let no one else's work evade your eyes, Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, So don't shade your eyes, But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize... Only be sure always to call it please research.
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Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.
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The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be.
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And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for.
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Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!
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Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell!
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Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.
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I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear.
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When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
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But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the right answer.
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Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy.
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