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I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Senility
Bypass
Adolescence
Maturity
Went
Trying

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The audience usually has to be with you, I'm afraid. I always regarded myself as not even preaching to the converted, I was titillating the converted.
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Life is like a sewer - what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. It's always seemed to me that this is precisely the sort of dynamic, positive thinking that we so desperately need today in these trying times of crisis and universal brouhaha.
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Filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
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Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.
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Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
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On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
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Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.
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Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
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And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for.
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My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun.
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I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.
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Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.
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Oh we will all fry together when we fry. We'll be french fried potatoes by and by. There will be no more misery When the world is our rotisserie, Yes, we will all fry together when we fry.
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Don't solicit for your sister, it's not nice. Unless you get a good percentage of her price.
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Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell!
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So long, Mom I'm off to drop the bomb So don't wait up for me But while you swelter Down there in your shelter You can see me On your TV
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If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.
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Once all the Germans were warlike and mean But that couldn't happen again We taught them a lesson in nineteen eighteen And they've hardly bothered us since then
Tom Lehrer
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The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be.
Tom Lehrer
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When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
Tom Lehrer