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I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Bypass
Adolescence
Maturity
Went
Trying
Senility

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Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
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If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.
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When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
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Be it ever so decadent, there's no place like home.
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Step up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try!
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I wasn't really a performer by temperament.
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Oh we will all fry together when we fry. We'll be french fried potatoes by and by. There will be no more misery When the world is our rotisserie, Yes, we will all fry together when we fry.
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Once all the Germans were warlike and mean But that couldn't happen again We taught them a lesson in nineteen eighteen And they've hardly bothered us since then
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In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize only be sure always to call it . . . research.
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For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!
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You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can't make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my target was not so much evil, but benign stupidity people doing stupid things without realising or, instead, thinking they were doing good.
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Don't solicit for your sister, it's not nice. Unless you get a good percentage of her price.
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I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear.
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Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. What we have now - to quote myself at my most pretentious - is a nimiety of scurrility with a concomitant exiguity of taste.
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If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here
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On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
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Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers.
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If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend, or perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worth the while.
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Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.
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