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If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Monoxide
Hoods
Hood

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Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
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Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!
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The audience usually has to be with you, I'm afraid. I always regarded myself as not even preaching to the converted, I was titillating the converted.
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And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for.
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In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl now you can't say 'girl.'
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Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
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Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers.
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On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
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My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun.
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I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.
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Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.
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Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
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I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.
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Filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
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To me, being funny is more important than making a point, but I don't know. Most politicians are so interested in making points that they don't ... I'd rather be funny myself, and I'd rather listen to somebody with a little sense of humor.
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The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be.
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Plagiarize! Plagiarize, Let no one else's work evade your eyes, Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, So don't shade your eyes, But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize... Only be sure always to call it please research.
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It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.
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In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize only be sure always to call it . . . research.
Tom Lehrer
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You can raise welts like nobody else, as we dance to the Masochism Tango.
Tom Lehrer