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Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Jew
Catholic
Hindus
Everybody
Catholics
Religion
Protestants
Hate
Hates
Muslims
Jews

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It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.
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Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
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I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear.
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I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.
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Life is like a sewer - what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. It's always seemed to me that this is precisely the sort of dynamic, positive thinking that we so desperately need today in these trying times of crisis and universal brouhaha.
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The people who came to hear me perform or to buy my records were not the type who would be offended [by the song 'The Vatican Rag']. But I gather that there were other people who were offended.
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Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.
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I would do nightclubs and concerts - particularly concerts, which is mostly what I did - and only people who already agreed with me would show up. People weren't going to come and inadvertently turn on their television set and find this offensive stuff coming out.
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When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
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Plagiarize! Plagiarize, Let no one else's work evade your eyes, Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, So don't shade your eyes, But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize... Only be sure always to call it please research.
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Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
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When someone makes a move Of which we don't approve, Who is it that always intervenes? U.N. and O.A.S., They have their place, I guess, But first send the Marines!
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On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
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Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.
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In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl now you can't say 'girl.'
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Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.
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From the three, you then use one to make eight ones. You add those ones to the three, and you get one-three base eight, or, in other words, In base ten you have eleven, and you take away seven. And seven from eleven is four. Now go back to the sixty-fours, you're left with two.
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In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize only be sure always to call it . . . research.
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The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.
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