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Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Jew
Catholic
Everybody
Hindus
Religion
Catholics
Hate
Protestants
Hates
Muslims
Jews

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The people who came to hear me perform or to buy my records were not the type who would be offended [by the song 'The Vatican Rag']. But I gather that there were other people who were offended.
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In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl now you can't say 'girl.'
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You can raise welts like nobody else, as we dance to the Masochism Tango.
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The audiences like to think that satire is doing something. But, in fact, it is mostly to leave themselves satisfied. Satisfied rather than angry, which is what they should be.
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Don't solicit for your sister, it's not nice. Unless you get a good percentage of her price.
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I wasn't really a performer by temperament.
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Step up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try!
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I would do nightclubs and concerts - particularly concerts, which is mostly what I did - and only people who already agreed with me would show up. People weren't going to come and inadvertently turn on their television set and find this offensive stuff coming out.
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They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines.
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And we will all go together when we go. What a comforting fact that is to know. Universal bereavement, An inspiring achievement, Yes, we will all go together when we go.
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Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.
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Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.
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The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.
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Oh we will all fry together when we fry. We'll be french fried potatoes by and by. There will be no more misery When the world is our rotisserie, Yes, we will all fry together when we fry.
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When you attend a funeral, It is sad to think that sooner o' Later those you love will do the same for you. And you may have thought it tragic, Not to mention other adjec- Tives, to think of all the weeping they will do. (But don't you worry.
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But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the right answer.
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Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.
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Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!
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Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
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I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel. Everything I did is on the record and, if you want to hear it, just listen to the record.
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