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Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it.

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Also
Preparation
Anything
Humorous
Ever
Insane
Disclaimer
Deny
Disclaimers
Profound
Retract
Prepared
Disagrees
Quite
Oath
Anyone
Disagree

More quotes by Tom Lehrer

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If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend, or perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worth the while.
Tom Lehrer
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I wasn't really a performer by temperament.
Tom Lehrer
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Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.
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The people who came to hear me perform or to buy my records were not the type who would be offended [by the song 'The Vatican Rag']. But I gather that there were other people who were offended.
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We are the folk song army, every one of us cares. We all hate poverty, war, and injustice unlike the rest of you squares.
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Oh we will all fry together when we fry. We'll be french fried potatoes by and by. There will be no more misery When the world is our rotisserie, Yes, we will all fry together when we fry.
Tom Lehrer
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Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
Tom Lehrer
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You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can't make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my target was not so much evil, but benign stupidity people doing stupid things without realising or, instead, thinking they were doing good.
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Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air!
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On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
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They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines.
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If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.
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I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear.
Tom Lehrer
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Be it ever so decadent, there's no place like home.
Tom Lehrer
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Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers.
Tom Lehrer
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When you attend a funeral, It is sad to think that sooner o' Later those you love will do the same for you. And you may have thought it tragic, Not to mention other adjec- Tives, to think of all the weeping they will do. (But don't you worry.
Tom Lehrer
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And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for.
Tom Lehrer
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In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl now you can't say 'girl.'
Tom Lehrer
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I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.
Tom Lehrer
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Step up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try!
Tom Lehrer