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If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Anything
Squares
People
Root
Commit
Roots
Touch
Commitment
Whether
Two
Square

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When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
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On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
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When you attend a funeral, It is sad to think that sooner o' Later those you love will do the same for you. And you may have thought it tragic, Not to mention other adjec- Tives, to think of all the weeping they will do. (But don't you worry.
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Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell!
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I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.
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In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl now you can't say 'girl.'
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Be it ever so decadent, there's no place like home.
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And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for.
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The audience usually has to be with you, I'm afraid. I always regarded myself as not even preaching to the converted, I was titillating the converted.
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In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize only be sure always to call it . . . research.
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Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.
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Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.
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Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it.
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It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.
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I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel. Everything I did is on the record and, if you want to hear it, just listen to the record.
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And we will all go together when we go. What a comforting fact that is to know. Universal bereavement, An inspiring achievement, Yes, we will all go together when we go.
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From the three, you then use one to make eight ones. You add those ones to the three, and you get one-three base eight, or, in other words, In base ten you have eleven, and you take away seven. And seven from eleven is four. Now go back to the sixty-fours, you're left with two.
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Once all the Germans were warlike and mean But that couldn't happen again We taught them a lesson in nineteen eighteen And they've hardly bothered us since then
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Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.
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Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
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