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I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
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More quotes by Tom Lehrer

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Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it.
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To me, being funny is more important than making a point, but I don't know. Most politicians are so interested in making points that they don't ... I'd rather be funny myself, and I'd rather listen to somebody with a little sense of humor.
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They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines.
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Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. What we have now - to quote myself at my most pretentious - is a nimiety of scurrility with a concomitant exiguity of taste.
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Step up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try!
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Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.
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On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
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It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.
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I'm not tempted to write a song about George W.Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the problem: I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them. And that's not funny.
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The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.
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Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers.
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Don't solicit for your sister, it's not nice. Unless you get a good percentage of her price.
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Filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
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So long, Mom I'm off to drop the bomb So don't wait up for me But while you swelter Down there in your shelter You can see me On your TV
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In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl now you can't say 'girl.'
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Life is like a sewer - what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. It's always seemed to me that this is precisely the sort of dynamic, positive thinking that we so desperately need today in these trying times of crisis and universal brouhaha.
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Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell!
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I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.
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I would do nightclubs and concerts - particularly concerts, which is mostly what I did - and only people who already agreed with me would show up. People weren't going to come and inadvertently turn on their television set and find this offensive stuff coming out.
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In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize only be sure always to call it . . . research.
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