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It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Two
Thought
Years
Sobering
Mozart
Aging
Dead
Age

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In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize only be sure always to call it . . . research.
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Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
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On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
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I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
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The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.
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Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.
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I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.
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But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the right answer.
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Step up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try!
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You can raise welts like nobody else, as we dance to the Masochism Tango.
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And we will all go together when we go. What a comforting fact that is to know. Universal bereavement, An inspiring achievement, Yes, we will all go together when we go.
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I've heard it quoted that I was dead. You can't believe anything you read. That was just an off-hand remark somebody picked up, and now it's been quoted and quoted, and therefore misquoted.
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Don't write naughty words on the wall if you can't spell!
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They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines.
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Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. What we have now - to quote myself at my most pretentious - is a nimiety of scurrility with a concomitant exiguity of taste.
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When someone makes a move Of which we don't approve, Who is it that always intervenes? U.N. and O.A.S., They have their place, I guess, But first send the Marines!
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So long, Mom I'm off to drop the bomb So don't wait up for me But while you swelter Down there in your shelter You can see me On your TV
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The people who came to hear me perform or to buy my records were not the type who would be offended [by the song 'The Vatican Rag']. But I gather that there were other people who were offended.
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