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On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

Tom Lehrer

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Tom Lehrer
Age: 96
Born: 1928
Born: April 9
Lyricist
Mathematician
Pianist
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
University Teacher
New York City
New York
Thomas Andrew Lehrer
Thomas Lehrer
Mark
Blind
Taxes
Blindness
Says
Inches
Away
Check
Three
Checks
Wanted
Boxes
Income

More quotes by Tom Lehrer

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Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it.
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Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.
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And although I'm all for freedom of expression and against censorship, there are certain things I'm not willing to go to jail for.
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From the three, you then use one to make eight ones. You add those ones to the three, and you get one-three base eight, or, in other words, In base ten you have eleven, and you take away seven. And seven from eleven is four. Now go back to the sixty-fours, you're left with two.
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If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here
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Plagiarize! Plagiarize, Let no one else's work evade your eyes, Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, So don't shade your eyes, But plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize... Only be sure always to call it please research.
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Step up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try!
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And we will all go together when we go. What a comforting fact that is to know. Universal bereavement, An inspiring achievement, Yes, we will all go together when we go.
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Don't solicit for your sister, it's not nice. Unless you get a good percentage of her price.
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In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl now you can't say 'girl.'
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Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy.
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My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun.
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Filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd.
Tom Lehrer
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Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. What we have now - to quote myself at my most pretentious - is a nimiety of scurrility with a concomitant exiguity of taste.
Tom Lehrer
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Bad weather always looks worse through a window.
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The reason most folksongs are so atrocious is that they were written by the people.
Tom Lehrer
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To me, being funny is more important than making a point, but I don't know. Most politicians are so interested in making points that they don't ... I'd rather be funny myself, and I'd rather listen to somebody with a little sense of humor.
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Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.
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Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.
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But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the right answer.
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