There is no one best way for parents to become the parents they want to be just as there is no one best way for a child to grow into a contented and contributing member of society.

When a child or adolescent is troubled, the most important thing for the parent to focus on may very well be their relationship with their child or adolescent. Parents need to do whatever they can to make sure the relationship is strong.

Accessing a professional listener such as a psychologist or counselor can be useful if the loved one wants to use this form of support.

Parents typically don't talk to each other about their goals and attitudes to parenting but this type of conversation could be very useful for helping parents become clearer about the things that are important to them.

Once parents have a clear idea of their important parenting goals, beliefs, and values, they can then think about specific situations and identify the outcomes they would like to achieve in these situations. How can you be the parent you want to be whether or not your children are behaving as you would prefer?

Any statements from the parents may seem like criticism or judgment by the child or adolescent. It's very important that the child or adolescent does most of the talking and the parent asks questions curiously to understand the perspective of the child or adolescent.

People need to feel safe to talk without their ideas being criticized, judged, demeaned, or mocked.

Somewhat paradoxically, parenting programs should focus on the behavior of the parents not the behavior of the children.

Spending time with the child or adolescent in mutually enjoyable activities on a regular basis will help to build warmth and trust.

Attitudes of optimism, of let them be, and of joy in watching and helping another life develop and blossom will help parents relish their parenting role and will provide the resilience necessary to navigate turbulent times.

Sometimes offering support and making yourself available when the child or adolescent is ready to talk can be the most helpful you can be.