Quote

I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.

Tim Vine

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Tim Vine
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 4
Actor
Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Timothy Mark Vine
Punslinger
Button
Buttons
Lazy
Smoke
Humor
Snooze
Funny
Alarm
Vines
Alarms

More quotes by Tim Vine

Image
People think that because of my act that I must have a really busy mind and I must be driven. I really am not. I quite like going outside and looking at spiders on a hedge in my garden and stuff.
Tim Vine
Image
So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
Tim Vine
Image
So I went down the local supermarket, I said I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it, he said Those are pickled onions.
Tim Vine
Image
So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'
Tim Vine
Image
I've got a sponge front door. Hey, don't knock it.
Tim Vine
Image
As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.
Tim Vine
Image
I took part in the sun-tanning Olympics – I just got bronze.
Tim Vine
Image
My friend told me he was going to a fancy-dress party as an Italian island. I said: 'Don’t be Sicily’.
Tim Vine
Image
My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul.
Tim Vine
Image
I went into a shop and I said, Can someone sell me a kettle. The bloke said Kenwood I said, Where is he?
Tim Vine
Image
So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'
Tim Vine
Image
You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
Tim Vine
Image
I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.
Tim Vine
Image
Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.
Tim Vine
Image
If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.
Tim Vine
Image
You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle.
Tim Vine
Image
You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
Tim Vine
Image
Velcro: what a rip-off.
Tim Vine
Image
Black beauty - he's a dark horse.
Tim Vine
Image
I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.
Tim Vine