Quote

So I went down the local supermarket, I said I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it, he said Those are pickled onions.

Tim Vine

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Tim Vine
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: March 4
Actor
Comedian
Television Presenter
Writer
Timothy Mark Vine
Punslinger
Went
Complaint
Funny
Supermarkets
Make
Lumps
Onions
Complaints
Locals
Pickled
Local
Supermarket
Humor
Vinegar

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I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.
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My mate asked me What do you think of voluntary work? I said I wouldn't do it if you paid me.
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I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.
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You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
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Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds.
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I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet 'Best Before End...'
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I went into a shop and I said, Can someone sell me a kettle. The bloke said Kenwood I said, Where is he?
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So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R.
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So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'
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I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
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You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
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